Category Archives: Philosophy

What is the path to enlightenment?

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Q: What is the path to enlightenment?

A: According to Putanjali’s Yoga Sutras, enlightenment is attained in seven stages. Including the final stage, these form the Eight Limbs of Yoga:

1. Yamas: Hindrances (Nonviolence, Truthfulness, Nonstealing, Moderation, Non-possessivenes)
2. Niyamas: Oberservances (Purity, Contentment, Self-discipline, Self-study, Surrender)
3. Asana: Poses
4. Pranayama: Control of life-force through breath
5. Pratyahara: Withdrawal of the senses
6. Dharana: Concentration
7. Dhyana: Meditation
8: Samadhi: Non-dualistic consciousness

The last three limbs are so similar and seamless that Putanjali groups them together as samyama (perfectly controlled). Still, they are distinct stages:

Concentration (dharana) is binding the attention of the mind to a single object, place, or idea. Meditation (dhyana) is the continuous flow of consciousness toward an object. Samadhi is deep absorpotion on the object without thought of the self. Then, the essential nature of the object shines forth. (3.1-3.3) Through mastery of samyamah, knowledge born of intuitive insight shines forth. (3.5)

Even in the workout-focused yoga classes of the West, breadcrumbs that lead you along the path are still there. In public yoga classes, the focus is often on asana, the poses, and sometimes pranayama, the breath, but if you listen carefully, the other limbs of yoga are often threaded through many teachers’ cues. When yoga teachers suggests you avoid pushing so hard that you’re gasping for breath, they are talking about non-violence, one of the yamas. When they remind you to be happy in your variation on the pose, rather than grasping for the variation the person beside you is taking, they are talking about contentment, one of the niyamas. When teachers tell you focus the eyes and the mind on a drishti, a focal point, during balancing poses, they are talking about pratyahara, withdrawal of the senses. When you hear cues about detaching yourself from mental chatter and keeping your focus on your breath during savasana, corpse pose, your teachers are talking about samayama, the last three limbs.

All of this said, Putanjali’s system is only one way to journey toward enlightenment. There are many other paths.

Is Yoga The Only Path?

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I recently watched Shakti Mhi’s video, The Search for Self-Realization. In it, she talks about yoga as means of clarifying your perception of reality. However, she makes it clear that yoga is not the only means:

If you want to experience, you have to allow all possibilities to be here. It’s only when I don’t ask, and I don’t assume, and I don’t have hope… and I have nothing. This is the only time all possibilities will unfold themselves. So any form of practice can be dangerous. This is why you have to tell people, “Practice yoga, don’t hold onto it. Practice Tai Chi, don’t get addicted to it.” Because it’s a form. All forms are limited. If you practice yoga and you think realization will come only from yoga, you miss realization that could maybe happen on the toilet. Plop. “I got it!”

It’s easy to get so attached to our yoga practice that you look down upon people who don’t do yoga or even just practice a different style of yoga than we do.  Shakti’s message is a good reminder that yoga is not the only path to enlightenment, contentment, and a healthy body. Next time the temptation to “yogavangelize” becomes overwhelming, try seeking to understand non-yogis instead; maybe ask, “What do you do that make you feel most in touch with yourself? Most connected to your purpose?”

Mindful Relationships: The Five Love Languages

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In my last Mindful Relationships post, I considered the idea of holding your partner as the object of your meditation, constantly working to perceive them as they truly are and to serve them based on this accurate perception. Considering the people closest to us are often the ones we treat the worst, this is no small task! It takes quite a bit of self-study to recognize and catch yourself on your bad habits. I find it helpful to read books about success in relationships to help me identify my blind spots. Some are better than others and some are preachy, but from each book I’ve read, there has been a gem of knowledge I’ve been able to take away.

One of the first relationship books I read was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The gist of the book is that different people express and understand love in different ways, and that it is easy for love-miscommunications to occur when people do not understand one another’s “love language.” The love langauges Chapman identifies are:

1. Words of Affirmation. People who express love by offering words of encouragement, praise, and kindness speak this love language.

2. Gifts. People who tend to give gifts and other physical tokens to people they love probably speak this love language.

3. Acts of service. People who do things for others to show they care are communicating in this love language.

4. Quality time. People who express love by spending time to connect and communicate with their loved ones with them speak this love language.

5. Physical touch. People who express “I love you” through a hug, a shoulder squeeze, or by holding hands express themselves in this love language.

The purpose of laying out the love language is not to slot people into boxes. Few people  use exclusively one of these love languages; however, most of us express and understand some of them better than others. Problems may arise  in well-intentioned, loving relationships when one person expresses love in a way that the other does not understand. For example, I tend to shower my husband with praise and gratitude to express my love to him, but the intent of these words affirmation are almost completely lost on him. Words of Affirmation is not one of his love primary languages. Even with all that effort on my part, if I did not take the time to cuddle up to him while watching a movie, hold his hand while walking down the street, and give him a kiss and a hug before leaving for work, he would not feel adequately loved, because physical touch is one of his primary love langauges.

Failing to communicate to my husband in a love language he understands would not only be unsatisfying for him, it would also be exhausting for me! I would feel like no matter how much I did to show their him I loved him, it would never be enough. The key is to go back to really seeing, hearing, and feeling your partner. How do they express love to you? By cooking you dinner after you’ve had a long day (Acts of Service)? By bringing along a pint of your favorite ice cream for dessert (Gifts)? If this is how they express love, there’s a good chance they understand love in this way too. What do you do that makes them light up? Do they melt into your body when you snuggle up next to them (Physical Touch)? Do they lap up your compliments and praise (Word of Affirmation)? What are they begging you for? Do they get upset when you are distracted by a phone call or e-mail from work while they are telling you about their day (Quality Time)? Figuring out exactly what your partner needs can help you streamline your efforts, allowing you to effectively communicate your love without wearing yourself out.

Also, once you identify how your partner expresses love, be sensitive to that, and begin to understand their actions for their intent. I used to reject peoples’ attempts do give me acts of service, wondering, “don’t they think I’m capable of doing this myself?” But they were only trying to express love, and nothing feels worse than having an expression of love rejected.  You not only need to learn how to express love appropriately, it helps to much to learn to understand your partner’s love language.

It goes the other way too! If you want to feel fulfilled in a relationship, figure out what you need from your partner in order to feel loved and give them the lowdown. Identify the way in which you tend to express love, and talk that over with them. I found that using Five Love Languages as a framework gave my husband and I a good, concrete means of talking about our seemingly complex needs.

Mindful Relationships: Your Piece of the Universe

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When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we chose to write our own vows to make sure they really meant something to us. Easier said than done, especially after being immersed in a bunch of yoga philosophy! If you’re supposed to be responding to each moment as it comes and extending loving kindness indiscriminately to the whole universe, how is making a long-term commitment to any one person reconcilable with that? In search of some guidance, I went to a satsang with Shakti Mhi, which not only gave me inspiration for my wedding vows, it gave me a deeper understanding of what it meant to be in a relationship.

Shakti used an analogy to explain how your partner is your link to the rest of the universe. Imagine you travel out of the city one weekend for a remote lakeside getaway. On one of your nature walks, you are swept away by the beauty of a lush blossoming tree. It’s reflection shimmers off the glassy surface of the lake and the air is rich with the scent of flower petals. If only you could experience this beautiful scene every single day! You know it just wouldn’t be possible to drive out to the lake all the time, so as a souvenir of the blossoming tree, you cut off a small branch and place it in a vase of water. Once at home, set your piece of the blossoming tree on your kitchen counter where you can see it everyday. You tend to it diligently, making sure it always has fresh water and enough sunlight, keeping it nourished and healthy. In turn, the branch is your connection back to the tree by lake; every time you see the branch it is a reminder of the blossoming tree from which it came, and as you tend to it, you are tending to a piece of that complete tree.

In relationships, the tree is the universe and the branch is your partner. You are only one person and it is impossible to actively care for the whole universe all on your own. So, you take a piece of the universe home with you, your partner, and you tend to them, nourish them, and show them the loving kindness you would extend to the whole universe if you had the capacity. When you care for your partner, though them, you are caring for the universe. In turn, your partner is your window into the rest of the universe; through them, you experience the love, suffering, joy, and pain that exists in the rest of humanity. Through intimacy with them, you develop compassion, empathy, tolerance, oneness, and many more qualities which can then be extended to the rest of the universe.

Shakti explained how the yogic practices of  yantra, mantra, and tantra could be brought into relationships to build intimacy with your partner. Put simplify, yantra, mantra, and tantra are meditation practices based on visual images, sounds, and feelings, respectively. In order to truly know your partner, you have to approach them with a meditative mindset that sets aside expectations, prescriptions, and judgments so that you can perceive this person as they truly are. To really see your partner you must look at them without imposing on them your own desires about what you want them to be, fears about what they could be, or any other biases that cloud your perception. To truly hear your partner, you must set aside defensiveness and prejudgment, listening for what they are actually trying to express. To really feel your partner, you must broaden your perception to capture what they are communicating non-visually and non-verbally. It is only when you truly know your partner that you can effectively serve them.

At the end of the satsang, I asked Shakti what she would suggest I say as my wedding vows to foster this type of relationship. Her response: “Silence.” She said that wedding vows should not be a once in a lifetime thing. You should be actively choosing to make that commitment when you wake up every morning, every hour of the day, every moment.

My husband and I did come up with wedding vows to keep our ceremony somewhat normal, but we tried to write them in way that would foster the type of mindful relationship Shakti described. However, after attending the satsang, I realized that the words we chose for the vows would be insignificant compared to the continual commitments we would be making to each other every moment thereafter.

Silence

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My meditation practice has been waning a bit lately, but this morning I was reminded of the value of taking time to shut up and listen by this post on Elephant Journal. It brought to mind a song I wrote in french when I was seventeen that describes the value of silence. Funny how easy it is to forget moment of clarity one has in the past. Here is a translation (I promise it rhymes in French!):

Calm, serenity, peace, tranquility, pause, patience, simplicity, silence.

A hundred million prayers, a hundred million pleas,
She cried out day and night without result.
Some nights she screamed, some nights she cried,
But it was on a peaceful night when she finally understood:
If one wants a response, one must wait in silence.

It’s peace in the night,
It’s a moment without noise,
A star in the skies,
It’s the voice of God.

Without understanding, he said “I love you.”
He was smooth talker, but they left him anyway.
But she took his words away, she stopped his thoughts.
He never wanted to let go of her hand.
With a word, she explained to him:
There isn’t language that can describe this emotion.

It’s the end of a war,
It’s love without fear,
It’s the union of two,
It’s the voice of God.

If one wants to see, one must look.
If one wants to hear, one must listen.

It’s a tear on a someone’s cheek,
It’s a smile without a word,
It’s the joy in someone’s eyes,
It’s the voice of God.

Calm, serenity, peace, tranquility, pause, patience, simplicity, silence.