Tag Archives: pregnancy

24 Weeks Pregnant: Horizontal Growth Spurt

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December 1 – December 7: 24 Weeks 0 Days – 24 Weeks 6 Days.

Eight weeks ago I was wondering when my bump was going to pop. Well, it’s here!

24 Week Bump

Filling out my maternity clothes.

Over the last two weeks I had a horizontal growth spurt. So far in my second trimester I’ve been gaining a pound a week or less, but in the last two weeks I put on around 5 lbs. At least some of that gain was to my thighs and butt, but I’ll consider that stored energy for the baby when she’s so big that there’s barely any room in my stomach for food (although, if I start feeling like I’m going to split my maternity pants, maybe I’ll lay off the butter and bacon).

What I love most about the bump: Seeing evidence that my baby is growing. I’ve been feeling her kick more and more, too, which is so cool.

Other bump advantages:

  • Filling out my maternity clothes instead of swimming in them. My “I ate a seed” shirt finally makes sense.
  • Being recognizably pregnant. Growing a human is hard work, and it’s nice to be acknowledged for it! I love telling people, “It’s a girl!”
  • Getting special pregnant lady treatment, like being allowed to use a restroom that’s not normally for customers or having three grocery store employees desperately (but ultimately unsuccessfully) trying to help me find the perogies I’m craving. Sometimes people do go a little overboard. I can still pick stuff up off the floor on my own, carry quite a reasonable amount of weight, and walk a modest distance. I appreciate the thought though!

Bump Inconveniences:

  • Before I was pregnant: if I had to fit through a tight space, I’d turn sideways and squeeze through. Now: if I can’t fit through facing forward, I probably can’t fit through facing sideways either. I clipped my belly pretty hard on a door handle trying to sneak into a meeting room one day this week.
  • Putting socks and shoes on is awkward. I can’t really bend my knee into my chest any more, and it’s hard to tie my shoe with my ankle crossed over the opposite knee.
  • I don’t think my feet’s integrity has caught up with the extra weight I’ve gained. By the end of some days this week, my tootsies were aching, especially if I’d been wearing non-supportive shoes. I think a key to my third trimester will be finding supportive (but hopefully still attractive) slip-on shoes. Any suggestions?

My biggest bump challenge: Now that the baby is bigger she is starting to press up against my stomach, which is causing heartburn. One day this week the heartburn was intense and relentless. It feels like the baby may have turned upside down so she can kick up against my stomach (in the long run, this is a good thing as the ideal position for birth is when the baby is upside down—most hospitals will do an automatic C-section if the baby is feet down). I’ve been managing the heartburn with food and lifestyle choices so far (sipping almond milk, going for walks after eating, sleeping on an upward slant). The next thing on my list of things to try is papaya, which several reputable sources have recommended. That said, I’ve Googled, “Are Tums safe during pregnancy?” several times, so my resolve may be wavering.

Identity shift: I couldn’t categorize this as good, inconvenient, or bad because even when change is wonderful, healthy, and productive, it’s hard! With the physical changes in my body, Richard sees me differently. I’m no longer just a wife and a woman, I am a mother and the carrier of his already-beloved daughter. He cares for me in ways he didn’t before, and seems to have a heightened protective instinct for me and the baby. Obviously this shift in both of our identities is amazing, necessary, and there are parts of it I love (like having Richard make me snacks), but I still have a sense of melancholy around losing my old, simpler identity. Also, these new roles entail all sorts of a scary responsibility and stir up a deep-seated evolutionary need to not mess up, which can degrade into self-doubt and self-judgment. The questions around my future work situation contribute to the feeling of getting a total lifestyle makeover. More and more I’m willing to dive wholeheartedly into this new adventure and see myself as a mother (the books I’ve been reading have helped), but there are still moments when I just want to be a woman and a wife. I guess that’s what babysitters and date nights are for!

23 Weeks Pregnant: To Work or Not To Work?

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November 24 – November 30: 23 Weeks 0 Days – 23 Weeks 6 Days.

Since I stopped teaching vinyasa yoga at the end of my first trimester, I haven’t been working as much (more details on this to come—my hypermobility issues have been one of my biggest pregnancy challenges, and, as per the advice of a book I read I read to inform my last memoir-writing project, I’ve been letting those particular emotions age before blogging extensively about them). With Thanksgiving this week, I worked much more than usual filling in for colleagues who were out of town. This had me dropping my Richard off at his shuttle stop in the morning, then whisking Foxy off a friend’s house for the day, sitting with protesting joints in rush hour traffic during my long, rainy commutes, and missing my freedom to snack and rest the way my pregnant body wants to.

Working itself felt wonderful—having a sense of purpose that is my own is important to me, and my body has been cooperative during my second trimester. However, the experience left me wondering if I could maintain that schedule and add in arranging care for a baby, pumping breast milk at work, making a healthy dinner at the end of the day, interacting meaningfully with my family, and still practicing self-care.

I think equally good arguments can be made for providing a child a rich environment at home or immersing her in a social setting at daycare. If I work, I’ll feel bad about missing out on knowing and experiencing my children as much as I can, and if I stay at home I’ll feel bad for letting down womankind and sabotaging my career. Unless I change careers: after childcare, doggy daycare, and the cost of commuting, working would not put me that far ahead financially. Richard makes enough for us to get by and is supportive of me doing whatever I think is best for our family. So the question really comes down to how I want to spend my days. Lately, deliberating over my future work situation has started to feel like this:

Obviously “to work, or not to work?” is a false dichotomy. Work is a multi-dimensional spectrum with varying hours (full-time, part-time, temp, contract, etc.), activities (office job, teaching movement, manual labor, etc.), and location (work-from-work, work-from-home, traveling, etc.). It’s hard to know ahead of time where on the spectrum is best for me. A few pieces of advice I got this week gave me a little clarity:

  1. I put a dent in reading Baby 411 over the long weekend, and have been enjoying how the authors provide information to help parents make informed decisions without undertones of guilt and shame (My reviews of pregnancy books reflect my distaste for books that purport that there is only one right way to do things). In Baby 411, the authors say that whether you decide to stay at home or work, run with it—you can always reassess down the road. No matter what decision you make there will be people who judge you; it’s probably because they’re insecure about making a different decision than you did, and feel the need to justify it.
  2. I gave my e-mail to two or three pregnancy-related businesses, and now my inbox in inundated with baby spam. However, when this article about what NOT to worry about during pregnancy popped up in my inbox, I eagerly clicked the link and read it. In support of the sentiments in Baby 411, one of the quotes is: “No matter what decisions you make, someone will always disagree. Try not to let the negative comments upset you, and if you’re really worried about something, talk with your doctor or a nonjudgmental friend.” Who wants to be my go-to nonjudgmental friend?
  3. Someone I recently met quipped, “People always say they need to work to make money for their kids. Kids don’t understand money, they only understand love. They only want you.” Of course, if kids are going hungry because there isn’t enough money to buy food, they’re going to understand that something is wrong; however, this statement resonated with me with respect to my own situation.
  4. According to Baby 411 the old adage is true: research shows that quality time is more important than quantity time when is comes to parents and children.

Combining the ideas above, my take-away is to guiltlessly work as much (or as little) as I need to stay connected to my career, stay sane, and make any supplementary income we need to get by, but not so much (or so little) that I’m too drained to spend quality time with my family. Unfortunately this is still a pretty vague statement. How many hours should I work? What type of job? Is it worth missing out of my baby to be stuck in traffic on a long commute? What about a short commute? Should I find a job I can do from home? Should I hire a nanny or use a daycare center? What about the dog? I wish I could end this post with a concrete realization, but I don’t think I’ll get any clear answers until after the baby is in my life (and maybe not even then!). All I can do is start with a work schedule, and refine it as gracefully as possible through trial and error. In the meantime, I’m going work on the “guiltless” part: discovering and accepting what I think is best for my family, regardless of others’ judgments.

9 Weeks Pregnant: New Joys

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August 17 – August 23: 9 Weeks 0 Days – 9 Weeks 6 Days.

Our first night in our new home, we ordered sushi for delivery. Pregnant women aren’t supposed to eat raw meat due to potential pathogens (not to mention that many fish are off the table due to environmental contaminants), but we were lucky to find a restaurant with a large selection of vegetarian rolls. Yum! A couple of the veggie rolls were packed next to the fish rolls Richard ordered, which could obviously allow for cross-contamination, but I opted not to worry about it. At some point the stress elicited by obsessively following all the guidelines perfectly must have just as many negative health consequences as being a little more lax about the rules.

I love doing yoga in a hot room, a love hot tubs, and people always make fun of me for wearing sweaters in the summer. Pregnant women aren’t supposed to do things that raise their body temperature, but my beloved piping hot baths have been an ongoing temptation. At our prenatal appointment this week, the doctor told Richard that elevated body temperature negatively affects the baby’s brain development, and ever since then he’s been strictly enforcing the rules. Our first full day in our house, we discovered that the pilot light for the water heater didn’t stay lit for longer than a few hours, which dissolved my fantasy of sneaking into a hot bath behind Richard’s back. (Update: We didn’t get the water heater fixed until I was 16 weeks pregnant, so I didn’t get a hot shower—let a alone bath—for a long time).

Now on my sixth week of relentless nausea, I began having some moments of despair. Before I got pregnant, I had tons of little joys in my day-to-day life. I used to take Foxy on walks up Bernal Hill, which has a fantastic 360 degree view, or for a long walk or run along Ocean Beach. Now I’m too fatigued. I used to love negitoro maki, exotic cheeses, oolong tea, and Philz Mint Mojito Iced Coffee. Now all of these are advised against (Update: later in pregnancy I discovered a Swiss Water Decaf Mint Mojito Iced Coffee). I even read the other day that chamomile and ginger tea, which I’ve been drinking all along, can be risky for pregnancy! I used to get a sugar fix from green tea cheese cake, brownie sundaes sundaes, and sour patch kids, but now dessert makes me nauseated. Even most yoga doesn’t feel good for me any more (I’ll post more on this in a few weeks).

Instead of wallowing in self-pity focusing on what I couldn’t do, I realized I had to shift my daily habits to include joys that I can still partake in:

  • Tea. Rooibos is my new go-to. I make a yummy roobios tea latte with maple syrup, vanilla, and skim milk (before pregnancy I drank nothing but almond milk, but cow’s milk has appealed to me more lately). And, tea is even better when enjoyed with friends I can share with!
  • Light, therapeutic exercise. I cleared some space for my mat and got my foam roller, pinky balls, therapy band, Mexican blanket, and bolster in a convenient location.
  • Yoga Nidra. Translating to “Yogic Sleep,” this practice is done lying completely still. Relax Into Greatness by Rod Stryker is my 35 minutes of bliss. This helps so much with the fatigue.
  • Artistic expression. I used to draw, paint, play musical instruments, and sing—skills I’ve let fall by the wayside. My sister bought me a watercolor kit for my birthday and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much free piano sheet music is available online these days, so I plan to incorporate these joys into my day-to-day life.
  • Connecting with the baby. Up until now it’s been hard to conceptualize the baby. On that first ultrasound, it was just a spec! This week, Richard and I went back in for my next appointment with the OB/GYN and we got an ultrasound that actually looked like something. Well, sort of. What it looked like was an apple fritter. But that’s at least it’s something I can visualize growing and developing inside of me. Also, unlike the first ultrasound I had, the baby’s healthy heartbeat was detectable! The other night, Richard kissed me goodnight then kissed my belly and said, “Goodnight, Fritter.”
9-Week Ultrasound

Our little apple fritter at nine weeks.

Look at how much she developed by week 19!

22 Weeks Pregnant: Pregnancy Book Reviews

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November 17 – November 23: 22 Weeks 0 Days – 22 Weeks 6 Days.

Bu(m)pdate for this rainy week:

22 Weeks Bump

22 weeks, 5 days. (Maternity clothes courtesy of my H&M shopping spree a couple weeks ago)

I’ve officially burnt out of reading books about pregnancy and childbirth, and am now moving on to reading about newborn care. Here’s what I thought of the books I read:

Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds by Cynthia Gabriel

Natural Hospital BirthThis was my favorite book I read about childbirth because it’s well-written, non-repetitive, and focuses on exactly the type of birth I’m planning to have. I did my research and have chosen to give birth in a hospital, so it’s tiresome to read books and articles about natural birth that push me to do it at home; home birth is a great option with several benefits, but it’s not the option I chose. Natural Hospital Birth clearly and concisely lays out birth options, and offers written exercises to help the reader make good guesses about what they’ll want during labor and childbirth. (Several weeks ago, I blogged about some realizations I had while reading this book). After reading this book I felt much better educated about my choices and I felt prepared to navigate having as natural a birth as possible in a hospital setting.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

Ina May's Guide to ChildbirthI read this book years before I got pregnant for my prenantal yoga teacher training. The first half is full of empowering natural birth stories, and the second half is a detailed explanation of labor and birth, and evidence-based information about what helps and what hurts (different birth positions, medications, interventions). Before reading this book, I didn’t really get why anyone would go through the ordeal of having a natural birth. After reading it, I concluded that my baby and I would have the best chances at a good outcome having as natural a birth as possible (leaving room for medically necessary interventions, of course).

However, the book has such a strong agenda toward promoting natural home birth, that I felt some interventions are presented in a overly negative light. For example, after reading the chapter “What You Least Expect When You’re Expecting,” I felt scared of pitocin (a drug that stimulates labor) because of the potential side effects, but that fear is not going to serve me if pitocin ends up being medically necessary for me.

Also, in the years since this book was written many hospitals have shifted away from the dismal scene Ina May presents: a fluorescent-lit room where you’re strapped down on your back, denied food and drink, and cut open (via C-section of episiotomy) so the doctor can yank the baby out of you. At my hospital (Saint Luke’s in San Francisco) the labor and delivery rooms are dimly lit, you’re allowed to give birth in any position (they provide a squatting bar, birthing ball, and birthing chair), they let you eat and drink (unless you’re getting an epidural or C-section), they don’t do routine episiotomies, and they recommend hiring a doula. Despite these qualms, overall this book is amazing. I’m planning to reread the birth stories a my baby’s birth nears.

Having Faith by Sandra Steingraber

Having FaithThis book incorporates elements of memoir and informational non-fiction. This format makes it slower to read and harder to reference if you’re looking for a specific piece of information, but I enjoyed it anyway. The book is a detailed discussion about how what we eat, drink, breathe, and touch can affect babies’ development during pregnancy and breastfeeding. With my dry background in science, the author’s vibrant, metaphor-rich descriptions of embryonic development were refreshing. I found the detailed information about various environmental teratogens (substances that can cause birth defects) fascinating. This book inspired me to take the risk of heavy metals more seriously—lead and mercury can be devastating for a baby’s brain development. One caveat: Many of the harmful conditions that can affect the baby’s development can’t be changed easily or immediately, so some of the take-aways may be a little depressing (unless you have time to become an environmental activist, elicit a change in governmental regulations, and wait for the benefits to take effect before you get pregnant).

Other resources I used:

The Business of Being Born Documentary

The Business of Being BornIf you’re okay with shaking your trust in the medical system, watch this documentary. The track record of medical interventions in normal births over last 100+ years has been kind of horrifying (for an example, read up on Twilight Sleep). It will also give you a window into the types of things you’ll read about in much more detail in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. Side benefit: Rikki Lake is the interviewer, which is a fun blast from the past.

Hypnobabies® Home Study Course

This was recommended to me by a few different friends, and there are several things I enjoy about it:

  • The track of joyful pregnancy affirmations (psychological factors have a huge effect on how women experience pain during labor, so positivity throughout pregnancy is key).
  • Positive rewording. In Hypnobabies, “labor” is called “my birthing time” so it doesn’t sound as hard), “contractions” are called “pressure waves” (which sounds more positive and productive), and the “due date” is called the “guess date” (so the baby isn’t considered “late” if it’s born after that). I’m all for anything that makes my perception of pregnancy and childbirth positive.
  • The recorded self-hypnosis sessions. Due to issues with my hypermobile joints, I haven’t been able to practice much yoga during pregnancy (so poses, anyway), so these tracks have been like my meditation. They are each 30 minutes long, which drives me crazy on fidgety days, but practicing everyday has helped me refine my ability to completely relax. Some of the tracks include visualizations that helped me connect with my baby before she starting kicking and feeling real.

The overall course is pretty time-consuming. If you do everything the manual says, you’ll spend over an hour a day on it for six weeks (and, of course, the course author says that if you don’t do everything they tell you to it wont work for you). I started my course early, and am going through it much slower than recommended.

Beyond the instructions on self-hypnosis, I’m not a fan of the content in the manual for the course. The dialog in the manual also seems to implicitly blame the mother if the Hypnobabies techniques don’t work for her (i.e. it must have been because the mother wasn’t dedicated enough in her preparation). It’s also got pretty single-track education about childbirth, which made me feel like if my birth went any differently than that one ideal way, all the techniques I’d learned would no longer apply. I want to feel positive, prepared, and accepting no matter what happens.

There were some nuggets of wonderful information in the manual, so it was worth reading for me. However, despite what the author writes (that Hypnobabies should be your only childbirth education course lest the other courses sully your positivity), I would recommend that you read more than only the Hypnobabies® manual to prepare for childbirth. Maybe doing just that will water down the effectiveness of the techniques for me, but that’s okay—I’m not attached to having a brand name childbirth.

BabyCenter My Pregnancy Today App

This is a fun app to have to keep track of what week I’m in, what the baby is up to, how I can alleviate discomforts, and how I can prepare for what’s to come. BabyCenter’s write-ups compare the baby to a fruit or vegetable every week, which is cute (but can also be confusing: A carrot? Like how big of a carrot?). I mostly enjoy checking this app, but sometimes I feel like it can be an overload of information that isn’t easily verified. For example, this article about herbal tea during pregnancy made me worry about drinking herbal infusions my doctors said were fine (like chamomile tea). The article has no citations so it would take a ton of independent research to assess the quality of all the information. After doing some half-hearted research on my own, I decided to stop stressing about it and drink my favorite herbal teas in moderation.

What Richard read:

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

The Birth Partner A friend who had a baby about a year ago recommended this book. I can’t give much of a review on it, because I didn’t read it, Richard did. From my perspective, reading the book made Richard feel more comfortable and confident about supporting me during childbirth. Some days he’d come home after reading his book on the bus and ask if I needed him to make me a snack or anything. He’d explain that the book had reminded him to take care of me in any way that I needed it. It’s a tough read though. Even though Richard is a fast reader, it took him a while to get through. He also didn’t like reading the sections about complications—I felt the same way in all the books I read—but if any of that stuff does end up happening, at least we’ll be informed about what’s going on.

The Missing Pieces:

What To Expect When You're ExpectingBetween my prenatal yoga teacher training, the reading material the hospital gave me, and a human growth and development course I took during university, I had solid understanding about how babies develop and the discomforts I would face during pregnancy, however none of books listed above covers these topics in depth. Also, all of the books I read went over the medical aspects of childbirth in some way, but none covered the medical aspects of pregnancy. I didn’t have a book that explained what to expect at my first prenatal appointment, what my prenatal screening options were, or when I would be getting ultrasounds. A midwife I know recommended against reading the mainstream bible on pregnancy, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, because it apparently uses language that’s disempowering to women and pathologizes pregnancy and childbirth. Even so, since I’m going the hospital route, I think it would have been nice to read an overview book like this early on so I knew, for example, that the transvaginal ultrasound was coming in my first prenatal visit (I didn’t even know that thing existed!).

Next in my queue:

Baby 411 by Ari Brown and Denise Fields. (I’ve already started this, and it is slow going).

The Baby Book by the entire Sears family, I think. (I’ve tasked Richard with reading this one)

8 Weeks Pregnant: Surrendering Control (Or Not)

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August 10 – August 16: 8 Weeks 0 Days – 8 Weeks 6 Days.

Big Cousin

We announced my pregnancy to my family with this big cousin shirt for my niece, Rosie.

Richard and I spent three days last week driving from San Francisco to Vancouver. I knew my mom would have dinner on the table as soon as we got to Vancouver, and I wanted to share the news of our pregnancy first thing so that any nausea-induced rudeness (like pushing the brussels sprouts as far away from myself as possible) would be interpreted in context. We sat down for dinner with my parents, my sister and her husband, and my two-year-old niece, Rosie. Before we could even say grace, I produced a green tissue-paper-wrapped gift and said, “We got something for Rosie. Let her open it right away!” Rosie unwrapped the package and held up a pink shirt. My sister read aloud the words printed below two amicable elephants: “Big Cousin” (A reformulating of my initial plan to tell Richard I was pregnant the week I found out). Everyone was pleasantly surprised and congratulated us. My mom got up to give Richard and me a hug and cried happy tears.

Normally I would be the one to play with Rosie while Richard helped out with cleaning up from dinner, but this trip I spent a lot of time laying on the couch and “Auntie Riri” (what Rosie calls Richard—she hasn’t quite figured out the difference between aunts and uncles yet) got to interact with Rosie a little more. Nothing is as reassuring to a pregnant woman as watching her partner successfully care for a child. He said that having his own baby on the way gave him a new confidence with children—or at least motivation to start practicing.

I saw several friends while I was in Vancouver, some of whom guessed I was pregnant before I could break the news! Normally with my friends and family I go on a hike, or kayaking, or skiing. I was grateful that my loved ones were willing to go on gentle walks or do other activities that I could bring a folding chair to. I’ve heard that—contact sports aside—expecting mothers can continue doing most of the activities they did before pregnancy. It must be true for some women, because I’ve seen pregnant ladies running and women in my vinyasa yoga classes up until their last month of pregnancy. That’s not the case for me. While gentle physical activity makes me feel better than sitting around resting all day, my body seems resolutely against anything strenuous. Activities that push my cardio, strength, or endurance make me feel nauseated. Even deep stretching doesn’t feel good. My pregnant body is a Buddhist, urging me to embrace moderation—the middle way.

We got home from Vancouver and immediately started packing our whole life into boxes. We’d owned our new home for a month, and it was finally time to move in! We’d originally planned to rent a Uhaul and do the heavy lifting ourselves (with the help or a friend or two). After lugging a few preliminary boxes up to the house in our Honda Civic—just to get the process started—I abashedly convinced Richard to hire movers. I realized that I would not be able to contribute much to helping with the move, and I didn’t want Richard to hurt his back trying to compensate for me. Obviously I had a good excuse and there was nothing to feel guilty about, but the raw truth is that I hate having limitations. A common theme in yoga and meditation is learning to be with discomfort without needing to change anything about it. I teach this all the time, and I thought I was fairly good at it. I knew that pregnancy would be uncomfortable and rife with change, but I thought I would be able to ride its waves with equanimity and acceptance. Sometimes I do. But sometimes when Richard gives me the sage advice, “Go lay down on the couch and let me handle this,” I snap back, “I don’t want to go lay down!”

At least because of the meditation I can take a step back from my outbursts to laugh at my gracelessness and accept that I am a human on a journey.

~ * ~

Perspective: As I publish this at during my twenty-second week of pregnancy, I can’t help but laugh reading back over this journal entry. One evening this week, I asked Richard if he could cut up a mango for me and get me a glass of water. As he obliged, he said “I think you’re finally getting the hang of to letting me do things for you.” I felt equally proud and chagrined. I think he could sense my cognitive dissonance, because he added, “That’s a good thing!” Hopefully by the time my baby’s birthday arrives I’ll have enough practice to be able to completely and shamelessly surrender my need for control. After all, as Richard often tells me when I’m combatively independent, “You know, eventually you’ll have to leave our children alone with me for a few hours, and just trust me to take care of them.” I would never want my type-A personality, control-freak mentality, lone wolf tendencies to cost him trust, respect, and precious one-on-one time with his children. As I wrote fourteen weeks ago, I am still a human on a journey.