Tag Archives: pregnancy

30 Weeks Pregnant: Things I Love About My (Early) Third Trimester

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January 12– January 18: 30 Weeks 0 Days – 30 Weeks 6 Days.

I think the beginning of my third trimester has been my favorite part of pregnancy so far. This may be partly because I finally started seeing a chiropractor—which providers and friends have been recommending for months—and my muscles and joints have been feeling much better than they were. Here are some other reasons I’m enjoying this stage of pregnancy:

1. I’m unmistakably pregnant, which is a prerequisite for many of the following perks.

2. People are incredibly nice and respectful. Goodbye catcalls. Hello strangers who ask genuine questions about my baby and my experience with pregnancy. Sometimes men still tell me I look great or beautiful, but it’s often at the end of a short conversation (instead of opening with “Hey gorgeous”), and doesn’t feel sexual, objectifying, or threatening. The next step for society is that we treat all women nicely and respectfully, not only the pregnant ones.

The teeny dark lining on this silver cloud is that sometimes people’s well-meaning or conversational comments are annoying. Many people’s opinions about how big pregnant women should be are informed by entertainment media, in which most women portrayed are in their second trimester. I’m not abnormally big, thanks. I’m just past the cute, photogenic stage of pregnancy that magazines like to publish.

30 Week Bump

30 week beach bump.

3. All the support I arranged months ago is kicking in. At this point my prenatal group sessions (equivalent of doctor’s appointments) meet every two weeks instead of once a month. It’s great, because it’s kind of like a support group.

We hired birth doulas (Britt Fohrman and Alexis Cohen) back in October, and we just had our first of two prenatal sessions with one of them. We didn’t talk much about our birth plans or preferences, but we discussed what Richard and I can do now to prepare mentally and physically for birth. If it’s not obvious from several of my type A blog posts, one of my challenges is letting go of control—a big barrier to natural birth. In our session, we discussed some techniques to help me practice surrendering control.

We also started our birth prep class with week, which was fun. On Britt and Alexis’ suggestion, we signed up for Rachel Yellin‘s Birth Prep Class, which focuses on relaxation, self-hypnosis, and other techniques for a achieving a natural birth (I will blog about my experience with the birth class once we’re done it in a couple weeks). Part of our homework (Or “home fun,” as Rachel calls it) is to spend a couple dedicated minutes a day bonding with and affirming our partner, which is really sweet.

4. I feel more comfortable asking for and receiving help. At no point in pregnancy has it felt great for me to do heavy lifting. Lifting is a whole-body action, and I always feel the brunt of the weight in the weakest link of the chain: the hypermobile joints in my pelvis. However, before I had a big belly I felt like I should’ve still been able to lift heavy objects, so it was harder for me to ask for help and I would often turn it down, even if it was offered.Richard has been giving me a hard time about this because doing too much manual labor inevitably leaves me complaining of aching joints and insomnia.

Maybe my aches and pains have been going on long enough that my will for independence has finally been crushed, maybe my obvious belly makes me feel entitled, maybe the conversations I’ve had about letting go of control have sunk in—in any case, I’ve been slowly accepting more and more help, especially from Richard. And, for the first time this week when the cashier at the grocery store asked if I needed help to my car, I accepted. However, I wasn’t quite ready to accept his repeated offers to help me get the groceries from my cart to the checkout conveyor belt (granted, grocery carts are deep when you’ve got a big belly in the way! P.S. So are top-loading washing machines)

5. I’m getting extra love, support and care from my partner. I don’t want to gush over my hubby too much, but I have to say I could not ask more a more dedicated partner. Day-to-day, he’s been incredibly willing to help me out physically. Although, he sometimes makes me explicitly ask for help (even if he knows I need it) so I can practice requesting what I need.

He’s also been prioritizing being present for birth-related stuff, while still attending to a career that provides for us and the baby. On Wednesday, we started the day with a two-hour meeting with our doula, he worked from home for the rest of the day, in the evening we went to a 3.5 hour birth prep class, then I drove him straight to the airport to catch a red-eye flight to New York that would land just in time for him to start work in the morning. Unlike the week-long business trips he’s taken in the past, this time he was back two days later to support me.

Our birth prep class is taught by a yogi-shaman-hypnotherapist, which is outside of Richard’s normal realm, but he was open-minded and accepting during class and has been on board with practicing techniques at home. That said, he was a little discombobulated by a questionnaire included inquiries like “What is your vision for birth?” and “What do you want your baby to feel during birth?”

6. It’s time to concretely prepare for the baby.

For me, the first trimester was rough, the second trimester involved a lot of watching and waiting, and the third trimester feels more action-packed. We’re meeting with our support team regularly, our nursery is well on its way to being assembled, and taking conscious time to bond with each other and the baby. It feels exciting that there are things to do. Here are a couple other action-items I’ve got on to do list:

  • Choose a pediatrician
  • Register ahead at the hospital (for less paperwork on the big day)
  • Figure out how to get a breast pump using my insurance
  • Buy a crib mattress (I have one all picked out, I’m just waiting until my Babies R Us reward dollars vest)
  • Complete nursery with smaller staples (e.g. nail clippers) and consumables (e.g. wipes) so we’re baby-ready
  • Pack a hospital bag
  • Write out my birth preferences
  • Keep brainstorming middle names (we agree on the first name, but the middle name is a continued issue of debate)

7. Superficial things bother me less.

I found out how mom’s start wearing mom-shoes. At this point in pregnancy, bending over to tie up my shoes is a chore and low-support shoes with slippery soles are a hazard. Frankly, supportive, slip-on shoes with grippy soles are not cute. At this point I don’t care. Today I’m wearing both compression stockings and Klogs, which I think may even be at the grandmother level of sensible attire.

Klogs and Compression Stockings

Compression stockings and Klogs. Sensible Attire Level: Grandma

14 Weeks Pregnant: So, What Type of Birth Are You Having?

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September 22 – September 28: 14 Weeks 0 Days – 14 Weeks 6 Days.

Proviso: This is not meant to disparage home birth, it’s a post about my personal process of choosing where plan to have my own birth. If you’re planning a home birth or had a home birth, I think that’s amazing!

One of my friends pointed out that outside of the yoga community (and other similar communities), you don’t really get the question, “What type of birth are you having?” Outside these certain communities it is assumed that you’ll go to the hospital and do whatever you need to do to end up with a happy, healthy baby and mother. Before I was pregnant I asked countless women this question. Now that I’m pregnant, answering this question makes me cringe. It seems to presuppose that I’ll have an interesting answer like a orgasmic-hypno-underwater-homebirth, and I find myself answering, “Oh, just a hospital birth.” Just. As if the birth of my child is diminished at all because it’s going to happen in a hospital.

The idea of giving birth in the comfort and relaxation of home with a big birth tub to labor in, dimmed lights, and a yard to walk around in appeals to me. Having a midwife who is on my payroll rather that the hospital’s and the insurance company’s makes a lot of sense to me. It would be great to not be on a clock tick-tocking down to being coerced into getting interventions because my labor is longer than is convenient. But at the end of the day, between the possibility that I could have a seizure due to my epilepsy and a comparison the mortality rates of hospital birth versus home births in the USA, the hospital won out for me (granted, there’s ongoing and vehement debate about the statistics around home birth versus hospital birth).

I was feeling bummed about it though—it felt like I was making some big trade-offs. That was before I had my first appointment and tour of the labor and delivery ward at the hospital I plan to give birth at.

I’ve never seen someone give birth. I’ve read books that advocate for home birth, and they describe hospital birth as quite an ordeal. It’s bright, loud, unfriendly, coercive, and you’re all but strapped to the bed for the convenience of the healthcare providers. I chose Saint Luke’s Hospital in San Francisco because they employ nurse-midwives to attend the low-risk pregnancies and are known for having a low intervention philosophy. They also have a low Cesarian rate, which is a good sign. Still, I wasn’t expecting it to be much better than what I’d read about. Obviously I haven’t given birth at Saint Luke’s yet, so I can’t know for sure how it will pan out, but from what they’ve told me and what I’ve seen, it couldn’t be more different from the horror show the books I’ve read have painted hospital birth to be.

When we walked into the labor and delivery room, it was like small hotel room with its own private bathroom with a shower. Most of the medical equipment was hidden behind an accordion wall. The overhead fluorescent lights were off and the room was softly lit by a small bedside lamp. Apparently I can even bring my own LED candles or Christmas lights if I’d prefer those for lighting. They have a squat bar, birthing ball, and birthing chair (whatever that is) at my disposal so I can give birth in any position my body calls for. The monitoring equipment they use is waterproof so that I can use the shower throughout labor. I’m allowed to eat at will as long as I haven’t had an epidural and am not at high risk for surgery. All of the staff members we met (both midwives and OB’s), welcomed laboring mothers handing them a page of individualized birth preferences upon arrival and seemed genuinely supportive of low-intervention birth. They say women are not on the clock when they get there, and can take as long as they need to labor (although, I’m sure there are limitations on that). They are so supportive of having doulas present, that they even host a Meet Local Doulas night once a month.

I’ve been told time and again that home birth midwives provide exceptional prenatal care, which I’m sure is true, but I’m really looking forward to what Saint Luke’s has to offer. They have the option of doing group prenatal care (instead of one-on-one appointments) with a consistent cohort of expecting mamas who have a similar due date. You see the same women every time so you have a support group to go through pregnancy with. Richard and I have zero family in the area, so having more local connections—especially ones going through the same challenges at the same time—is so, so, so valuable to me.

Now I’m excited about giving birth in a hospital. Saint Luke’s seems to have the exact mix of support and empowerment that I want. Of course I know that even at a progressive hospital at Saint Luke’s there can be issues that may unnecessarily compromise my birth preferences, but for now it feels amazing to actually be excited about the experience I’m going to have instead of feeling like I’m compromising!

Update: Now 30 weeks pregnant, I am more confident and comfortable than ever with my choice to give birth in a hospital. Especially since I’m planning to labor at home for as long as possible, I feel like I’ll be getting the best of both worlds. I’ve been telling people I’m planning to have a “natural birth” or a “low-intervention birth,” but neither of those labels felt quite right. This week (30 weeks pregnant), a friend pointed me to an article called Conscious Birthing, which just so happens to be written by one of my doulas, Britt Fohrman. I loved what she had to say:

I used to focus more on “natural birth” but after years of attending all sorts of births, I started to see how limiting that focus was. Any birth can be conscious, and beyond mom and baby being healthy, its how we feel about the way we showed up and felt during and after the birth that matters … I have … been with women planning for medicalized births who go through them in such beautiful, graceful ways that the fact that interventions were involved was dwarfed by the love, connection, awe and power present in the room. I have come to understand that any birth can be conscious, no matter where it happens and how much it stuck with the mamma’s original plan.

She also notes that she prefers the term “Birth Preferences” to “Birth Plan.” So here it is: My preference is to avoid unnecessary interventions, but above all, I’m planning to have a conscious birth.

29 Weeks Pregnant: Nursery Mania

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January 5 – January 1: 29 Weeks 0 Days – 29 Weeks 6 Days.

I’m not usually into consumerism. When we bought our house I hit up yard sales, Craigslist, and a friend’s garage to get the furniture we needed—I didn’t buy any large items new. I know that businesses gouge people around big, emotional life events, so when Richard and I got married I made a conscious effort to avoid letting the wedding industry drain our bank accounts. I bought my decorations and (amazing) dress on Craigslist, held the whole event at one venue, chose caterers that didn’t have a special elevated price for weddings, and gratefully accepted help from friends and family for everything from cake-making to officiating. Somehow the baby industry has gotten to me though. I can’t seem to resist wanting the new, the shiny, and the top-of-the-line.

I didn’t initially have a theme in mind for the nursery. In fact, I think themes are kind of silly. Our wedding didn’t have a theme—we had a Barbie and Ken cake, truth or dare fortune cookie favors, and Craigslist personals ad-themed place cards. Nothing fit together, and that was the way I wanted it.

 

Tree Shelves

My mom bought us this amazing alternative to the tree bookshelf on Etsy for a fraction of the price. (Sitting on easy-sliding cardboard until we decide on it’s final location because it’s heavy as, well, a stump).

When I started working on my baby registry, I quickly found out I couldn’t just add generic “crib sheets” to my list. I had to pick out specific sheets, and the ones with the little forest animals on them were cute, so why not? Add. Then there was an adorable mobile with a fox, raccoon, owl, and hedgehog on Etsy. Add (My sister ended up hand-making me something similar, yay!). Then were sweet fox-themed hooded towels, bibs, and burp cloths. Add, add, add. Then I found out those forest friends crib sheets had a whole matching nursery set. Resist. Aagh, can’t. Add lamp, add hamper, and add area rug. Then I found the $80 (each) handmade wooden forest animal bookends on Etsy—expensive, but if someone wanted to get them for me I wouldn’t stop them! Add. Then the $2100 tree-shaped bookshelf from the same Etsy artist. ADD.

Delta Bennington Dresser

Delta Bennington Dresser and changing top (mine is a little darker to match the crib)

Ladies and gentlemen, a nursery theme and a manic, starry-eyed consumer are born. Once a theme had clearly emerged, I deleted several items from my registry that didn’t fit, and added versions that matched my nursery theme, even if they were a little pricier. To give provide some context to show how out-of-character all of this is for me, nothing matches in our house. In our bedroom, we have a mahogany-colored bed frame, a honey-colored bedside table, and a white bedside table. In our office space, we have two cabinets and two desks, each with a different colors of wood. In contrast, when we started looking for cribs, my first filter was for models I could get in a dark wooden color to fit my forest theme. My second filter was that it had to have a matching dresser with a changing top. I’ve officially been seduced by the baby products industry.

Forest animal outlet covers

I had to admit I had a problem when I observed myself asking Richard if we could hire an electrician to install a different type of outlet in the nursery to fit these adorable outlet covers. Luckily I came to my senses. (If they fit your outlets, the artist who makes them can be found here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/cathyscraftycovers . Send me pics so I can live vicariously through you!)

To cut myself some slack, shopping for nursery furniture is overwhelming and I needed to decrease the search space somehow. I stand by getting a dresser and changing table in one—that’s a money saver—but I would have saved more money, new-product fumes, and a disturbing amount of Styrofoam packing material had been less picky about matching furniture and found one used.

Foxy tears up Styrofoam

We had the horrifying amount of styrofoam that came with the nursery furniture all bagged up for disposal (5 bags, ughhh), and while we were out Foxy unwrapped it all.

Nursery themes aside, cribs are the gateway to getting hooked on new products. The experts tell you to buy cribs and mattresses new to make sure they’re up to the latest safety standards. Looking for a new crib funneled me into baby stores full of stainless, unscratched, pill-free baby paraphernalia and furniture. Ogle. It also got me worrying about the safety of used items. There are several baby bathtubs selling for $3.50 at my local baby thrift shop, and even though they look like the exact same one I have on my registry, I haven’t bought one because I’ve been irrationally worried about their safety. Reality check: a baby bathtub is just a big bucket that I would never leave my baby unattended in anyway—it would be hard to go wrong.

Delta Bennington 3-in-1 Crib

Delta Bennington 3-in-1 Crib.

Once I got the superficial filtering out of the way, I did take some time to research and critically compare my favorite cribs (The Consumer Reports crib buying guide was helpful). We chose a crib made of pine, which was affordable, but pine is a softer wood so we can expect a multitude of dents and scratches. I ruled out cribs that contained particle board (common in IKEA furniture) as I’ve read it releases toxic chemicals into the air. However, the crib’s matching dresser has particle board in the back and in the drawers. I thought it would be negligible, but it smells awful! It’s locked away in the nursery-to-be spending some quality time with our purifier. It will be months before the baby sleeps in there, so hopefully it will get most of its off-gassing out of the way by then. The crib has a painfully basic design—it doesn’t have any extravagant nobs, posts, or details that could easily catch a baby’s clothing and be a strangulation hazard. We decided that a crib that converts into a toddler bed (and a day bed, whatever that is) would be enough (some convert into full beds as well). One salesperson advised us that if we bought a pine crib, by the time the child was at full bed age, the wood would be so beat up we wouldn’t want to use it as a full bed (maybe she was just trying to upsell us though).

Selecting a crib mattress was initially confusing (why are there so many??), but I did some research to help me narrow it down (Again Consumer Reports was a God-send). I chose a mattress (the Simmons Kids ComforPedic) with a foam core (instead of coils) because they’re much lighter, which will make frequent sheet changing easier. It also has a waterproof cover for easy cleaning. It’s firm on one side for infants (firm mattresses reduce SIDS risk) and plusher on the other side for toddlers (makes sense to have a two-in-one mattress since our crib converts to a toddler bed). I chose this mattress over less expensive ones because it is Greenguard and CertiPUR-US certified, meaning it is less likely to contain toxic chemical or emit noxious fumes. It’s also got a 35-year warranty; I’ve rarely made use of a warranty, even if something breaks, but it shows that the manufacturers stand by their product.

Now that I’ve bought the stuff that parents are “supposed to” buy new, my intention is to overcome my nursery mania and acquire most of the rest of my baby items used. Here are some of the things I’m looking for, if you have any leads:

  • My Brest Friend nursing pillow (preferably a forest-y color, but I’ll get over it if it’s not)
  • Glider chair and ottoman (non-rickety; many of the seem prone to falling apart)
  • Baby Bathtub
  • Baby Wipes Warmer (I chose the Munchkin Glow on my registry, but that may have just been because it came in green…)
  • Laundry hamper
  • Fitted crib sheets (forrest-y colors and patterns would be irresistible)
  • Sun shades for backseat windows
  • Baby clothes (preferably not pilled and stained)

13 Weeks Pregnant: Ascending From the Haze of the First Trimester

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September 14 – September 21: 13 Weeks 0 Days – 13 Weeks 6 Days.

Just when I was saying I forgot what it was like not to be nauseous, I had nearly three days in a row of no nausea! I got a glimpse of what it was like to be one of those women who loves every moment of pregnancy.

Instead of dragging my butt to Preggo Pilates, I skipped out the front door. When I picked Richard up from work, he told me I was glowing and looked happy (Although, later he wondered aloud if that may have been in comparison to how wan and miserable I’d been the previous week). The nausea stayed at bay even when I wasn’t constantly stuffing food into my mouth (before I was pregnant an excuse to eat all the time sounded like a dream come true, but now that I have to eat all time to stave off discomfort I feel like a slave to food). I had the wherewithal to book a prenatal massage, which was lovely. Able to imagine myself doing some manual labor, I explored two landscape and gardening centers so I could begin to make tangible plans for my new yard. Richard and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary with an Italian dinner followed by chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream topped with Heath Bar pieces—the first time I’ve been able to eat a whole serving of ice cream to myself since I found out I was pregnant (I’ve had an aversion to sugar). For a good friend’s birthday, I got dressed up with make-up and everything, stood on a rooftop patio overlooking the San Francisco skyline and sipped an icy virgin pina colada, and didn’t get to bed until after midnight that night.

The next morning I woke up feeling awful. Maybe it was my body’s way of telling me, “If you’re feeling better, don’t push your luck. Keep eating. Keep pacing yourself. Keep getting enough sleep.”

It’s discouraging to feel nauseous and unmotivated to get anything done again, but those three days gave me a glimmer of hope that feeling better during pregnancy is a possibility.

Update: Now at 29 weeks pregnant, I haven’t been nauseous in ages. I can’t even remember what it’s like (maybe I repressed the memories). There have been some new discomforts and annoyances during my second trimester, but their invasiveness in my life pales in comparison to the nausea. If you’re having a queasy first trimester have faith that for most people it gets better and pregnancy overall gets easier!

28 Weeks Pregnant: 13 Misconceptions I Had About Babies

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December 29 – January 4: 28 Weeks 0 Days – 28 Weeks 6 Days.

Update: This post generated a great discussion on Facebook. I concede that this post should actually be named “13 Misconceptions I Had About The Research About Babies.” Real babies can be quite different from theoretical babies. More updates below on individual points.

People say all the time that you can never be ready for pregnancy, childbirth, or parenthood, but reading up on and preparing for these stages at least makes me feel ready. I’m two-thirds done pregnancy, I’ve read several books about it, I’m going to regular prenatal visits at my hospital, I’m enrolled in a birth prep class, my birth and postpartum doulas are hired… I feel that doing much more would be over-preparing for birth. As such, I’ve chosen to move on to reading about newborn care. After poring over online reviews, I chose two baby books to read:

  • Baby 411 by Ari Brown and Denise Fields. This book struck me as one that would contain conventional, mainstream advice on newborn care.
  • The Baby Book by the Doctors Sears. This book struck me as a little more hippy-dippy-touchy-feely (i.e. totally up my alley), as it encourages attachment parenting.

Baby 411These books are both tomes, so Richard and I chose to each tackle one. I decided that since my intuitions would probably gravitate more toward the Baby Book and his toward Baby 411, we should swap to read the book that would give us different perspective. I just finished reading Baby 411, and the chapters on newborn care were informative, non-judgmental, and easy to read. I didn’t enjoy the (many) chapters about everything that can go wrong with the baby, but the conditions were presented in a non-alarming way and I’ll be glad to have all that information for reference when I’m wondering if my baby’s latest rash is anything to worry about. The vaccinations chapter aside (which was strongly pro-vax—I happen to agree so it didn’t bother me), Baby 411 focused on giving the reader straight-up information, rather telling the reader what to do, so parents could draw their own conclusions.

My biggest take-away from reading Baby 411 was that many of the opinions I held about newborn care were kind of ignorant, based mainly on things I’d heard, not on actual science or evidence. I don’t like to think of myself as judgmental—previously, if I saw a baby using a pacifier, I wouldn’t think anything as blatant as, Omg, I can’t bu-lieve those parents are using a pacifier. That is SO bad for the baby. But I might think something more subtly judgmental like, Ah, this must be a fussy baby and the parents need to use a pacifier for their own sanity. I didn’t occur to me that maybe these parents were more educated than me and made a carefully informed choice to use a pacifier to best support their baby’s health (see below for more on pacifiers). Baby 411 certainly put me in my place.

Here are Thirteen Misconceptions I Had About Babies, and what Baby 411 had to say about them. Some of these statements are not categorically false—just much more nuanced than I realized:

Misconception #1: You can train newborns to sleep when you want them to. I didn’t necessarily think this was a good idea (see next my point), but I did think it was possible. According to Baby 411 it’s not: newborns are not developmentally capable of falling asleep on their own. Intense sleep training before five or six months will be futile and detrimental to the baby. In fact, the authors also say that “you can’t spoil a newborn” because bad sleep habits don’t develop until after two months of age. As such, all the “rules” for promoting independent sleep go out window for newborns (e.g. don’t breastfeed the baby to sleep). Parents can unabashedly do whatever it takes (within reason, of course) to get a newborn to sleep.

Misconception #2: Letting a baby “cry it out” will mess her up.

Update: A better statement of my misconception would be “Research strongly suggests that letting a baby ‘cry it out’ will definitely, for sure, mess her up.” This was my misconception, but it doesn’t mean the exact opposite is true (i.e. Letting a baby “cry it out” is definitely, for sure, not going to mess up any child). Reality is something more like, “Research is equivocal about the safety of the ‘cry it out; method.”

I’ve heard and read this so many times that I assumed there was hard evidence backing this statement, but it actually stands on shaky ground, scientifically. Proviso: As mentioned above, the baby must be neurologically mature enough to settle on her own (five to six months), and shouldn’t be left to cry it out when she needs a diaper change, is hungry, or there’s an underlying medical reason for her crying. The two main ways to teach a baby to sleep on her own are Rapid extinction/Cry it out (which I’d be too much of a worrywart to handle) and Progressive Waiting/Ferberizing (which I would be more comfortable with). Interestingly, many infant sleep disorders are attributed to excessive parental intervention (e.g. Soothing a baby to sleep then putting her to bed—when she wakes up briefly as part of her natural sleep cycle she’s shocked and upset that the parent has disappeared, and cries to get them back). All of this said, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the research proves that sleep training is definitely safe either. The authors of Baby 411 did not advocate for independent sleep over co-sleeping (other than to warn of the increase SIDS risk in a shared bed). My pre-parenthood opinion is that at the current state of research, the question of sleep training comes down to individual parents’ instincts, opinions, and individual needs; neither camp has grounds to be on a high horse.

Misconception #3: Breast milk is nutritionally complete.

Update: This isn’t anti-breastfeeding; Baby 411 strongly encourages breastfeeding. Also, this misconception is a bit of an overstatement. Breast milk is nutritionally complete for infants until their iron stores become depleted, at which point parents either add iron-rich solid food (e.g. cereal) or iron supplements. Friends have pointed me to additional resources that say exclusive breastfeeding is fine until six or nine months, so supplementation at four months (as reported below) may be overly-cautious. Please consult with your pediatrician or lactation consultant!

The opinion that breast milk is amazing, perfect, and has magical powers is mainstream and well-supported. When I’d heard the recommendation that babies should be breastfed for a year (or more), I thought that meant exclusive breastfeeding. It turns out this would be unhealthy. When babies are born, they have a plentiful store of iron from their mothers, but by six to nine months these iron stores are completely depleted. Baby 411 recommends that babies who are exclusively breastfed take an iron supplement from four months until they have other dietary sources of iron. The authors say solid foods, such as meat or cereals naturally high in iron, should be introduced into a baby’s diet between four six months (there are risks associated with introducing solid foods earlier or later than that; check out the book for more details).

Misconception #4: Breastfed babies will grow better than their formula-fed counterparts.

Update: As in the previous point, this is not anti-breastfeeding; Baby 411 strongly recommends breastfeeding. This misconception should have been stated “Breastfed babies will grow faster than their formula-fed counterparts” from the get-go. As explained below, faster growth doesn’t necessarily mean better growth.

If “better” means “faster” this is false. Breastfed babies grow slower than formula fed babies for the first four to six months. Baby 411 accents that this slower growth does not mean breastfed babies are less healthy; breastfeeding has been proven to be beneficial for babies’ health and development. However, growth charts produced by the CDC, which some doctors may use, compare a baby’s growth to other children in America—both those who are breastfed and formula-fed—making breastfed children look like they’re growth is lagging. Growth charts produced by the WHO (which the CDC itself recommends for infants) draw on data from several countries and consider breastfed babies’ growth patterns to be the gold standard. The authors recommend asking a baby’s doctor which chart they use to evaluate growth.

Misconception #5: Newborn babies should never be placed on their bellies. To avoid confusion: Putting babies to sleep on their backs is important. There is rock solid evidence that this helps prevent sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). However, always being on her back can cause the back of a baby’s head to flatten. Also, Baby 411 cited an interesting statistic: back-sleeping infants who end up sleeping on their tummies are 18 times more likely to die from SIDS, eek. This is thought to be due to a dearth of experience coping with being on the belly and a lack of neck muscles development (Side conclusion: if a baby is a back sleeper, make sure all babysitters and other caretakers know to only put the baby to sleep on her back). To help develop experience and neck muscles strength, the recommendation is to have babies spend at least five awake, supervised minutes on their tummies per day for the first eight weeks of life.This is cutely called “Tummy Time.”

Misconception #6: Pacifiers are evil. I’d heard that pacifiers interfere with breastfeeding, mess up teeth, and cause ear infections. Baby 411 added one more: they may disrupt sleep because when the baby’s pacifier falls out during the night she will “call” mom to replace it. However, pacifiers have one significant plus: They have been shown to drastically reduce the risk SIDS. According to this well-written summary of research about pacifiers, pacifiers can reduce SIDS risk by fifteen to fifty percent, depending on use. What about those risks? There’s not much indisputable scientific evidence that pacifiers interfere with breastfeeding, just a lot of anecdotal evidence (which is still worth taking into account). To be safe, Baby 411 recommends waiting until breastfeeding is well-established before introducing a pacifier (usually around two to four weeks). For the other factors, the magic number is six months. SIDS risk is greatest before six months, so this is when pacifiers are most beneficial. Ear infection risk is pretty low until six months. Tooth decay isn’t an issue until the baby actually has teeth, which also often occurs around six months (even then, tooth decay can be circumvented by sterilizing pacifiers before use and not dipping them in honey or sugar). According to the article linked above, pacifier use doesn’t contribute to tooth misalignment until eighteen months. If parents choose to use a pacifier, Baby 411 recommends doing so between two to four weeks and six months of age, and using the Soothie brand (which I got for my baby shower!), because it is designed to closely resemble a human nipple.

28 Weeks Pregnant

28-week bump update from the beach. Compare this to the beach photo in my previous post about week 12 to see how much I’ve grown. (Or look back two posts to see that I’ve maybe shrunk a little since Christmas without all the yummy treats around)

Misconception #7: Babies should be warm and cozy when they sleep. When we bought our new home, we knew it needed to have its ducts insulated, and I made sure we got it done quickly because I worried the baby would get cold in the nursery. Turns out the ideal sleeping temperature for babies is much cooler that I thought: according to Baby 411, the recommended safe room temperature to reduce SIDS risk is only 68 degrees. Interestingly, anything that can cause the ambient temperature of the crib to go up—like the adorable bumper pads that perfectly match my “Forest Friends” nursery theme—increases the risk of SIDS. The authors recommend hanging anything but the bare bones crib bedding on the wall as decoration. After reading this, I also opted to buy a crib that had slats on all sides to promote better ventilation rather one that had one or two stylishly solid sides.

Misconception #8: A fever of 101°F degrees is panic-worthy. The Fever-phobia section of Baby 411 was written for me, because I’ve been wracked with worry every time Richard has had a fever (once, I was up all night Googling “rabies” to rule it out for sure). I thought that 99°F was a fever and 101°F was a worrisome fever. It turns out that body temperature fluctuates quite a bit throughout the day. According to Baby 411, it’s coolest at 7am (as low as 97.6°F) and highest at 7pm (as high at 100°F). The true definition of a fever is a body temperature of 100.4 or higher taken rectally. So, 101°F is a low fever. The authors insisted on using a rectal thermometer, which I begrudgingly added to my baby registry—we’ll see if I actually muster up the nerve to use it (I also added an ear thermometer as a back up).

Misconception #9: Fever-reducing medicine prevents the baby’s brain from getting cooked. Baby 411 says that a fever cause by infection is unlikely to cause brain damage. Body temperatures over 108°F cause brain damage, but attaining that level of heat takes environmental factors (like leaving the baby in a hot car) to push body temperature this high. According to the authors, infections do not cause body temperatures over 106°F. Fever-reducing medicine is just to help the baby feel more comfortable. Thank goodness for one less thing to worry about with regard to both the baby and the husband.

Misconception #10: I’m vaccinating my baby, so she will be safe whether or not other parents vaccinate theirs. Vaccines have a couple legitimate risks (which Baby 411 goes over in great detail), but the rate of death and disability is much higher if a child actually gets one of the diseases we routinely vaccinate against. Some children are medically unable to get vaccinated (e.g. they’re allergic to a component of the vaccine), so I’ve also always felt a sense of social responsibility to get my children vaccinated to protect those that can’t be. However, even though I’m pro-vax, I’ve never felt the need to have advocate to others about it. I didn’t think others’ decisions would directly affect me or my vaccinated children. The authors brought up a couple points I hadn’t previously considered:

  • Newborn babies don’t get all their vaccination on day one, so they depend on herd immunity (i.e. everyone else being vaccinated) to stay healthy. My baby will depend on everyone else being vaccinated.
  • The lifesaving effects of vaccines are astounding, but most vaccines are not 100% effective. There are mutated versions of all those scary diseases that we can still catch. If another child gets sick with a mutated viruses (which is more likely with zero vaccination protection), my child may be at risk, even with a vaccination.
  • If a high enough percentage of the population is unvaccinated, viruses are likely to mutate within their multitude of hosts, making vaccines less effective in those that do get their shots. All children (without medical contraindications) must get vaccinated for my child’s vaccination to be as effective as it should be.

It turns out we are in this together. Part of me wishes I hadn’t read this because it made me more judgmental of others’ decisions and more likely to ask the somewhat offensive question, “Is your child vaccinated?” before scheduling a playdate. Another part of me is grateful to be informed and hopes I’ll actually have the guts to pose that question.

Misconception #11: Kids shouldn’t drink from garden hoses because they contain bacteria. When we moved into our new home, I pondered over the various garden hose options at Lowe’s and forewent spending extra money on the safe-for-drinking hose. Now I wish I had splurged. The problem with garden hoses is not the bacteria, it’s that they contain lead. Yes, lead as in the neurotoxic heavy metal, ugh! Baby 411 recommends running to the hose for a minute to clear lead before filling a kiddie pool (from which children will inevitably drink).

Misconception #12: It’s harmless to share utensils with a baby. I would not have thought twice about this before reading Baby 411. According to the authors, tooth decay is contagious. By swapping saliva with the baby, you also share cavity-causing bacteria that can erode the baby’s new teeth. Who knew?

Misconception #13: TV is never good for kids. I’ve never had the intention of completely preventing my children from watching TV, but that doesn’t mean I thought TV was beneficial—I assumed that I’d need an occasional break from providing entertainment. For the most part, Baby 411 advocates against screen time. Young babies aren’t developmentally capable of understanding what’s on the screen, and that time in front of the TV takes away from time that could spent listening to parents talk or read, or playing with toys they do understand. However, there is evidence that educational programming is beneficial for kids, provided they can understand the content. The authors say “the magic age to understand TV is two years old.” This rules out “Baby Genius.” However, even after two years, the authors recommend limiting screen time (check out the book for more details).

Other interesting factoids from Baby 411:

  • The average baby goes through 2300 diaper changes in the first year alone. Oh my god.
  • Babies lose their hair around four months, and then grow new hair. Good to know ahead of time, that would have freaked me out.
  • The authors say you can expect an infection every other week in the winter. You can also expect to catch many of the infections your child gets. Ick.
  • There are studies that have found “babies conceived less than 12 months after the birth of the first-born child were three times more likely to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Babies conceived from 12 to 23 months after the birth of the first-born child had almost two times the risk of autism. And, even babies conceived 23-35 months after the firstborn child had a slightly greater risk of autism.” I had never heard this before. I had a sister close to my age, which I loved, but I will definitely balance that priority with this evidence when planning my next pregnancy.

After reading Baby 411 I feel like I know a little more about babies, but friends and family tell me that what sounds good, effective, and easy on paper in baby books often isn’t any of those things in real life. I’m sure after the baby is born I’ll be able to write a much longer “Misconceptions I Had About Babies” blog post than this (maybe even containing opinions that contradict what I wrote here) based on experience.